Her Desire, His Rules

Lately there has been something missing from TX and I DD relationship and because I have a very hard time telling him anything when it comes to DD (yes even after 12 years) I really haven't said much to him except through my daily journal writings to him. I have been having a really hard time pinning down the exact right words to say until today that is! For the most part TX is very consistent with me when it comes to disciplining me when I break one of the various rules we have set in place and for the most part everything during the spanking session is right on target as far as lecture, punishment , CT etc.....but for me there is still something missing. Last night is a prime example of what is truly missing from our DD relationship and from his point of view I am sure he thinks everything is fine and dandy but from my point of view it is not. Yesterday I forgot to write my journal writing to him (rule broken) and then I didn't complete my food journal (another rule broken)...

For the first time in our entire relationship I experienced a spanking after a hot shower and boy oh boy I didn't like it one bit! Now I have a very high pain tolerance so of course I didn't think nothing of it and thought to myself " I can take this and no biggie" , again I was VERY WRONG!!! TX hardly ever catches me off guard but he did yesterday. We had a really good morning together and ate breakfast, talked etc. TX asked me to get ready because we were needing to leave soon to get our errands done because we were pressed for time due to the fact that we were going to be meeting our DD friends from the ADDS Chat room for dinner. So the obedient "Angel" that I am went to take a shower and get ready :) I come out of the shower into our bedroom and TX was there waiting for me and told me I was going to get the spanking I earned from the night before. The first thought in my mind was "I just took a hot shower" but I have learned not to argue or try...

I haven't updated in months and for that I sincerely apologize but I guess there is just so much going on in my life right now and with TTWD being up and down it's hard for me to sit down at my computer and blog here :(  When I am feeling like things aren't going well in my relationship with TX as far as DD goes then I usually try to stay away from everything that has to do with DD. Right now I have a lot of things going on between my job , my doll business and personal family issues that I am under a tremendous amount of stress and at it's really starting to get to me! Usually when I am stressing out I just put it out of my mind and try not to think about the "stress" and that works for a time but then I get to a point where I just blow up at TX which is not good at all. We have tried stress relief spankings and those work for a time but it seems over time they don't work well at all and it's like I want negative attention from him therefore I will ...

Well I have been struggling to write my feelings down with anything relating to DD or D/s and that is why I have not written a post. TX and I have been on a different page lately and as much as I hate to admit it I have been a BRAT and getting spankings around here have been on a daily basis for me lately :(  I am going through something which I am not sure if it's normal or not but with TTWD define normal? I have been going through this phase where I just don't want to please TX and it's been a rough ride for both of us although a rougher ride for my butt. I blame my past but I need to get over the past because I am in the present with a wonderful guy who loves me for me and who accepts everything about me even my bratty behavior at times. I am truly having a hard time with submitting and I am trying to do what he asks of me but for some reason I just don't want to give in to him easily or without a fight. Last night I got into trouble again for not turning in my 4...

Feeling really irritated at myself and wondering what in the world is wrong with me? I want to be able to take a good spanking like a big girl and without tears but truly I think what is going on is a power struggle between TX and I. For me being a strong and independent woman is important but it's also very important to TX as well because if something happens to him he doesn't want me to be helpless.  So when I show my emotional side during a punishment then I feel vulnerable and weak therefore I sometimes will go into a head space in order to block out being emotional but then I feel I am controlling the situation and I don't want to do that. Because I have a very high pain tolerance I have a very hard time crying just from the pain of a spanking BUT what does get me very emotional during a punishment is knowing what I did to disappoint TX as that bothers me the most and I am usually very upset emotionally before the spanking even starts. I have discussed this with TX and...

Yesterday was a pretty good day but I woke up in a rotten mood and I could not for the life of me figure out why? I knew I had to get through the day but I knew how hard it was going to be to do that especially when I see TX all day since we both work from home. So I try to shrug off my bad mood and get ready for work and go downstairs and TX greets me with his smiley self and hands me my coffee and I think to myself "Michelle you are so lucky to have him". He asks me how I am feeling and I respond " I am fine". Now usually I talk his ear off while we are drinking our coffee together but I was quiet and he knew something was wrong! We got through the day but I was still in a rotten mood at the end of the day and at dinner he started to question me again and I snapped and said ....."What in the hell do you expect from me?". Before I even realized what I had said he told me to go to the corner. And I replied "Are you kidding me?" Now when I am ...

Do I liked to get spanked? Yes, but is it possible for someone who enjoys spanking actually be punished with spanking? In my case the answer is yes! I have been asked this question many times in the D/s and DD world and some get it and some don't get it. For me feeling punished isn't just through spanking alone as there are many other factors. When I have broken a rule and disappointed TX that alone is sometimes punishment enough for me although he would disagree I am sure ;)  Throughout the years I have built up a high pain tolerance and it is what it is and it won't change therefore we have to figure out ways where spanking will work for me in order to change behaviors. TX and I have been together long enough to where he has figured me out and figured out ways to punish me where it will effect me and I am very thankful to have an HOH who can do that for me. Sometimes he can have me in tears even before a spanking will start because I feel so bad for disappointing him an...