Her Desire, His Rules

Lately there has been something missing from TX and I DD relationship and because I have a very hard time telling him anything when it comes to DD (yes even after 12 years) I really haven't said much to him except through my daily journal writings to him. I have been having a really hard time pinning down the exact right words to say until today that is! For the most part TX is very consistent with me when it comes to disciplining me when I break one of the various rules we have set in place and for the most part everything during the spanking session is right on target as far as lecture, punishment , CT etc.....but for me there is still something missing. Last night is a prime example of what is truly missing from our DD relationship and from his point of view I am sure he thinks everything is fine and dandy but from my point of view it is not. Yesterday I forgot to write my journal writing to him (rule broken) and then I didn't complete my food journal (another rule broken)...

Do I liked to get spanked? Yes, but is it possible for someone who enjoys spanking actually be punished with spanking? In my case the answer is yes! I have been asked this question many times in the D/s and DD world and some get it and some don't get it. For me feeling punished isn't just through spanking alone as there are many other factors. When I have broken a rule and disappointed TX that alone is sometimes punishment enough for me although he would disagree I am sure ;)  Throughout the years I have built up a high pain tolerance and it is what it is and it won't change therefore we have to figure out ways where spanking will work for me in order to change behaviors. TX and I have been together long enough to where he has figured me out and figured out ways to punish me where it will effect me and I am very thankful to have an HOH who can do that for me. Sometimes he can have me in tears even before a spanking will start because I feel so bad for disappointing him an...