Her Desire, His Rules

Well I have been struggling to write my feelings down with anything relating to DD or D/s and that is why I have not written a post. TX and I have been on a different page lately and as much as I hate to admit it I have been a BRAT and getting spankings around here have been on a daily basis for me lately :(  I am going through something which I am not sure if it's normal or not but with TTWD define normal? I have been going through this phase where I just don't want to please TX and it's been a rough ride for both of us although a rougher ride for my butt. I blame my past but I need to get over the past because I am in the present with a wonderful guy who loves me for me and who accepts everything about me even my bratty behavior at times. I am truly having a hard time with submitting and I am trying to do what he asks of me but for some reason I just don't want to give in to him easily or without a fight. Last night I got into trouble again for not turning in my 4

Feeling really irritated at myself and wondering what in the world is wrong with me? I want to be able to take a good spanking like a big girl and without tears but truly I think what is going on is a power struggle between TX and I. For me being a strong and independent woman is important but it's also very important to TX as well because if something happens to him he doesn't want me to be helpless.  So when I show my emotional side during a punishment then I feel vulnerable and weak therefore I sometimes will go into a head space in order to block out being emotional but then I feel I am controlling the situation and I don't want to do that. Because I have a very high pain tolerance I have a very hard time crying just from the pain of a spanking BUT what does get me very emotional during a punishment is knowing what I did to disappoint TX as that bothers me the most and I am usually very upset emotionally before the spanking even starts. I have discussed this with TX and

Yesterday was a pretty good day but I woke up in a rotten mood and I could not for the life of me figure out why? I knew I had to get through the day but I knew how hard it was going to be to do that especially when I see TX all day since we both work from home. So I try to shrug off my bad mood and get ready for work and go downstairs and TX greets me with his smiley self and hands me my coffee and I think to myself "Michelle you are so lucky to have him". He asks me how I am feeling and I respond " I am fine". Now usually I talk his ear off while we are drinking our coffee together but I was quiet and he knew something was wrong! We got through the day but I was still in a rotten mood at the end of the day and at dinner he started to question me again and I snapped and said ....."What in the hell do you expect from me?". Before I even realized what I had said he told me to go to the corner. And I replied "Are you kidding me?" Now when I am

Do I liked to get spanked? Yes, but is it possible for someone who enjoys spanking actually be punished with spanking? In my case the answer is yes! I have been asked this question many times in the D/s and DD world and some get it and some don't get it. For me feeling punished isn't just through spanking alone as there are many other factors. When I have broken a rule and disappointed TX that alone is sometimes punishment enough for me although he would disagree I am sure ;)  Throughout the years I have built up a high pain tolerance and it is what it is and it won't change therefore we have to figure out ways where spanking will work for me in order to change behaviors. TX and I have been together long enough to where he has figured me out and figured out ways to punish me where it will effect me and I am very thankful to have an HOH who can do that for me. Sometimes he can have me in tears even before a spanking will start because I feel so bad for disappointing him an