Skip to main content

Not feeling it!

Lately there has been something missing from TX and I DD relationship and because I have a very hard time telling him anything when it comes to DD (yes even after 12 years) I really haven't said much to him except through my daily journal writings to him. I have been having a really hard time pinning down the exact right words to say until today that is! For the most part TX is very consistent with me when it comes to disciplining me when I break one of the various rules we have set in place and for the most part everything during the spanking session is right on target as far as lecture, punishment , CT etc.....but for me there is still something missing.

Last night is a prime example of what is truly missing from our DD relationship and from his point of view I am sure he thinks everything is fine and dandy but from my point of view it is not. Yesterday I forgot to write my journal writing to him (rule broken) and then I didn't complete my food journal (another rule broken) so I knew that would result in a discipline. Usually TX wants to take care of the matter right after work because if we wait , have dinner, talk and relax then we end up to tired later in the evening to get it done. Last night was different and TX never said a word about ANYTHING so I just left it alone to see what would happen. Well we ended up falling asleep in bed until 11 p.m. , waking up to get ready for bed and all of a sudden he wants to spank me when I am half asleep and he is more than half asleep so I say "Can't we just wait until tomorrow night" and he agrees.



Now really in my mind what I want him to do is take TOTAL CONTROL of the situation and tell me that he is HOH and he makes the decisions therefore I am getting my spanking now....period the end but do you think I could have it that easy? Hell No!! I was so furious last night that I wanted to be a BIG BRAT but I didn't ...I just held everything inside and went to sleep silently crying. Now in TX defense he would tell me that he was RESPECTING MY WISHES that I am to tired to deal with a spanking and he wouldn't see a problem with doing that and postponing it until the next night but in my opinion I am still CONTROLLING THE RELATIONSHIP when he allows this! We have had many discussions on this very problem we have been having for awhile and the conclusion is he thinks this is out of respect for me and why would he want to FORCE me into doing anything I wouldn't want to do because I am tired!

Keep-Calm-and-Take-Control

So in conclusion I feel this is the very reason why I brat a whole lot and keep on breaking the same rules over and over and over again. I feel that he isn't taking enough control and when he doesn't take control then I just break a rule here and there, I get spanked for it and all is well for a few days until the next incident but nothing really is ever resolved. It's very irritating and frustrating to me but to him it's NO BIG DEAL! I feel that it's a very big deal when it effects me the way it does .....I stew over it for days and days until I can't take anymore and I start breaking rules (to get his attention I feel) and when that doesn't work I then just blow up in his face over it and he is like "Whoa where did that come from" .....well if you were LISTENING to me then you would know where it came from you doofus is what I REALLY feel like saying to him! Today I actually told him how I truly felt in my daily journal to him so hopefully he won't ignore it and we will talk about it and get it resolved once and for all because I truly can't take much more of it.






Comments

  1. Wow girl!! You are braver than me. Calling him a doofus in print. LOL I am applauding you from my living room. By the way, good luck. Hope you manage to avoid the spanking that would be waiting for me.

    Sir Knight and I are having similar discussions regarding what his responsibilities to me are as an HoH. I need the consistancy and the follow through on promised punishments to feel like they aren't just arbitrary - to be given out and taken back on a whim. I don't want him to be lenient all the time. I need his compassion but a rule is a rule, right? I mean if I am sick or hurt and break a rule, yes I would expect him to put off the punishment but why do we need to delay it because I need to get some sleep?

    I am sure that you two will work through this rough patch and come out of it stronger than ever, Your communication will help to assure that. Not all of us in DD can speak to our HoH face to face and tell him what is burdening our hearts. I'm glad you and TX have figured it out with the journaling and emailing. You are such a sweet couple and Sir Knight and I are so privileged to be considered your friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much LadyBrittany , it means so much to TX and I to have such good friends in this lifestyle and to also be able to see each other in RL is wonderful! Well I didn't manage to avoid that spanking , got paddled last night in fact but it's all good and we have discussed this issue we have been having for some time and I was finally able to just tell him in person how it makes me feel and how it needs to change and he agreed :) I am a pretty happy tih with his answers and how we have resolved it! And I know that you and SirKnight will also find the answers and what works for you both as well. Communication is key in TTWD and as long as you both have that then it all works out in the end :)

      Delete
  2. I understand perfectly! Gosh they are so much alike, and btw I think we both know we are also. LOL. Poor Tx & Lee!
    love,
    honey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes Honey , we both are very much alike indeed LOL ;) I am glad that I am not the only one feeling this way with this topic , I had no idea that so many others were dealing with this as well. And yes poor TX & Lee ....hehehe lol

      Delete
  3. Hey girl same issues here could not have wrote it any better. At leat TX remembers to do the punishment later, BEE don't GRRRR I have to remind him and that just lets me control it all.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DD in my past to DD presently!

Life is good now with DD but with my ex-husband it was far from good! I was 17 years old when I met him and he was 29 years old (need I say more but I was a rebellious teen who thought her parents were just mean). After a year of my parents and I struggling with the ups and downs with this relationship they finally realized I was not going to stop seeing him so when I turned 18 years old they finally gave me their blessing to date him (without me sneaking around to see him that is). I dated him through college but ended up quitting college to marry him at 20 years old and thinking that life would be good with him from that day forward!  He was a natural dominant which attracted me to him in the first place and he could walk in a room and everyone would notice him and there was something about him that just commanded respect. From the start of dating him he told me that domestic discipline is something that he would not live without so if I didn't want that then we would have to pa

The Strap And Paddle , Oh My!!!

Yesterday was a pretty good day but I woke up in a rotten mood and I could not for the life of me figure out why? I knew I had to get through the day but I knew how hard it was going to be to do that especially when I see TX all day since we both work from home. So I try to shrug off my bad mood and get ready for work and go downstairs and TX greets me with his smiley self and hands me my coffee and I think to myself "Michelle you are so lucky to have him". He asks me how I am feeling and I respond " I am fine". Now usually I talk his ear off while we are drinking our coffee together but I was quiet and he knew something was wrong! We got through the day but I was still in a rotten mood at the end of the day and at dinner he started to question me again and I snapped and said ....."What in the hell do you expect from me?". Before I even realized what I had said he told me to go to the corner. And I replied "Are you kidding me?" Now when I am

Spanking After a Hot Shower = Not Good!

For the first time in our entire relationship I experienced a spanking after a hot shower and boy oh boy I didn't like it one bit! Now I have a very high pain tolerance so of course I didn't think nothing of it and thought to myself " I can take this and no biggie" , again I was VERY WRONG!!! TX hardly ever catches me off guard but he did yesterday. We had a really good morning together and ate breakfast, talked etc. TX asked me to get ready because we were needing to leave soon to get our errands done because we were pressed for time due to the fact that we were going to be meeting our DD friends from the ADDS Chat room for dinner. So the obedient "Angel" that I am went to take a shower and get ready :) I come out of the shower into our bedroom and TX was there waiting for me and told me I was going to get the spanking I earned from the night before. The first thought in my mind was "I just took a hot shower" but I have learned not to argue or try